cryovision | Reverie: IC Inbox

[he's glad he looked through the phone so that he recognized the difference between one Kaeya and another]

[mmnnngnggggghhhhh

He strongly considers not answering, partly because he's upset and partly because he still doesn't understand phones. But after it rings several times, he does finally answer.]

Yes?

[He jumps a little; he's still not used to this thing by any means either]

I wanted to check that you're okay.

I'm not.

[His voice is hoarse, as if he's been yelling a lot -- or crying.

it's crying.]

But it's none of your business.

It is if I'm part of the cause. If it makes you feel better, I kissed you because it was an item on my bingo card.

...It does, a bit.

[not enough, but it does actually help]

I was serious when I said I hate kindness from you. ...From your face, anyway.

Can you tell me why?

Not without telling you what I did to him.

[which you didn't want to hear, so...!]

If that's part of it, go ahead and tell me.

[hhhhhhhhhh

The line goes quiet so long it may start to seem like Kaeya's put the phone down and walked away or something. But eventually, he does force himself to tell the truth.

Gods. Telling the truth is such a shitty thing to have to do. He misses when he just lied about everything. At the time lies had felt like a curse, but now they feel like armor that's been torn away from him, leaving him bare and vulnerable.]

...By the time he came back, the abyss had taken Mondstadt, with my parents at the helm. I knew Diluc would be furious, and I knew he'd get his fool self killed, so I preempted it and had him ambushed and dragged to our palace dungeon. In solitary confinement. The only other person he gets to see is me.

[carefully neutral]

So you saved him, but you also put him into a cage where the only thing other than the walls is you.

Mhmm.

[He sounds like he feels guilty, but there's something more to his tone, too. A manic nervousness that's slowly ramping up as he talks, hard to truly define due to its complicated nature. He's possessive of his Diluc, yes, but he's also afraid of him, and yet that very fear and possession make him feel so high--]

He left his vision when he went away, so there's not much he can do. The thing is... I have it right there in my study, but I haven't told him. I haven't given it back. If I do, I just-- He'll leave me all alone.

[Could he have done that, if their roles were reversed? Would he have done that? He supposes the answer must be no; if he wanted to he could probably catch his Kaeya and lock him away, but he's never thought of that as something to do.

So how does he feel about this? There's an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of being a prisoner completely reliant on the whims of Kaeya.]

That's a terrible choice to have to make. If he leaves, he'll almost definitely do something that would get him killed, right?

Probably. But the truth is, I'm just selfish. I don't want to lose him again.

[Because then he'd be ALONE with his ABANDONMENT ISSUES.]

And I can't go with him.

I understand why you don't want me to be kind to you.

[But apparently even with all of this, the other Diluc doesn't hate him.]

I don't know how I feel about you, but I don't want to leave you alone.

[There's one slow, shaky inhale, as Kaeya tries not to cry or just hang up when Diluc says that.]

It doesn't make me feel any better when you say that. The only thing that makes it better is when he hurts me. I know that's not you. I don't want that from you, but I don't know what else to do with you.

...Except be honest with you, I suppose. But I keep thinking that I'd never have confessed this much, a year ago. I still feels weird.

Most of our problems seem to come from not saying things that we should have.

[there's a pause as he tries to decide how to put this]

We have a new problem. Avoiding each other will hurt us both, but trying to be friends will also hurt us both.

I'd rather the avoidance, personally.

[Though he knows that's probably the more painful option for Diluc. Kaeya won't insist, either way. He's gotten used to relinquishing control.]

I really... don't want the same things from you. But I can't help thinking about them.

I wouldn't hurt you even if you did want it from me.

[If he explains that he trusts that Kaeya wouldn't hurt Mondstadt by choice, or betray the people there by choice, this conversation will be over. So he doesn't.]

If you'd rather keep your distance, I'll respect your wishes. How do you want me to pass intel along to you?

[He's right. If Diluc said a thing like that, Kaeya would run from it at lightspeed. It's hard enough just hearing him be considerate. He sounds too much like his Diluc always was, before they broke everything.]

...Just send a message with this thing, I guess. Encode it somehow if you need to. I'll figure it out. I'll... I'll let you know if I think of a better option.

Okay. The guy called Akira is on a team like we are but for some reason he gets the extra work of doing odd jobs around this place. He seems honest to me, but you're probably better at working that out.

[he pauses]

There's a machine at the desk that will give things out that you ask for. I haven't tested its limits, but from what I saw of other people, you can't ask for things in succession. Akira says that this place is some sort of space between reality and dreams, and that what we want can influence it, but he also says that he doesn't quite understand this place either.

[and a breath]

There are two different Ventis and the Traveler here, as well as another Kaeya. I'm not sure if there are any other people from a version of Teyvat.

[Oh good, useful information!! That lowers his stress level a bit.]

I've met the other me. We get along alright. I also ran into a fatui harbinger, but that was fun honestly. I don't know who "the Traveler" is, though...

A Harbinger? Which one?

[Maybe he should retrieve his Delusion as well if there's a Harbinger here.]

As for the Traveler, it's a story I don't know the whole of, but she can use elemental powers without a Vision, and she's searching for her brother.

I've never met her. As for the harbinger... it's "Childe". I recognised him from knights of favonius intelligence reports. He... reminds me of myself a little.

--Of course, I'm much prettier.

[This Kaeya may be fucked up but the competitive streak and vanity have not fully gone away, it seems.]

[that startles a chuckle from him]

So look for someone from Teyvat who's not as pretty as you?

[That little laugh cuts deep. When is the last time he heard that? Six years ago. Six long, lonely, aching years--

But it warms Kaeya through, head to toe, and he doesn't deserve it but he can't stop himself from pursuing it. No matter how much he'd say he hates it. In the little hollow where he's hidden himself he leans against the wall, wiping away the remainder of his tears and smiling to himself, bittersweet.]

Oh, no. You'd just get confused if you tried that. None of them are as pretty as me, including the other me.

Well I can definitely agree with that. Your current look is...distracting.

[NO WHY IS HE AGREEING SO GENUINELY--]

Oh? Not just because I'm "spooky"?

[he laughs again]

You make it look stylish.

I can make anything stylish.

[The worst thing here is that Kaeya kind of wishes he hadn't run off. The lonely part of himself that he tries to suppress really misses that warmth. He misses rough-housing on the riverbank, lying in the grass and watching the stars, and the faces his Diluc would make when Kaeya played a silly prank. It would be easy to fish for that nostalgic feeling from this new Diluc.

But he can't. Kindness burns and affection strangles, and Kaeya doesn't think he could stop himself from mixing up what's right and wrong between them. After all, he's also missing the bruises.

But... it's not so bad, from a distance like this. He's letting a little bit of tenderness into his voice.]

But thank you for stroking my ego. Perhaps I'll refrain from covering it up after all.

[his voice is quiet when he responds]

If you change your mind about distance, tell me.

...I will.

[He has a feeling he'll fold eventually. But right now, he's got to hang on to the safety of being apart.]

For now, I think it's time I say goodnight, Diluc.

Goodnight, Kaeya.

Reverie: IC Inbox

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[ain't nothing but a heartache]

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